My Breastfeeding Journey

I dont remember when i've decided to breastfeed my baby. I could be the moment i knew i was pregnant or somewhere through the pregnancy when i read more on breastfeeding and its benefit? Or because the vanity in me knowing with breastfeeding i can get back in shape pretty fast (a plus point yes?) All i remember was i wanted to breastfeed that lil life that was growing in me then. But how? i didnt have any knowledge on breastfeeding at all! on how? when? what? I know its tough but i dont know how tough. 

I was then referred to TBAN, but i didnt linger around enough to learn more before delivery, as i was told that the lactation consultant would teach after delivery. 

My lil S was born mid Aug! Shortly after that she was brought to me to breastfeed as the hospital i go to supports breastfeeding. I was clueless on how to hold her let alone to BF her. But the moment i looked at her immediately fell in love! She suck straight away as she was really hungry! My LB was all sore on the first day with all the tryings. The first night was really nightmarish as a new mother i was clueless as what was happening. Keep buzzing for the nurse to come in to check whats the problem but they kept telling me baby need to suck right after she just sucked?

The lactation checked on us again the next day. It always seem so easy when she does it!

The actual nightmare started when we were at home! The whole house was really stressful on my stubborness to BF! Baby was crying non-stop due to need to suck and hunger! The CL was not helpful at all. I ended up taking care of S since birth (which turn out to be a blessing!) on the 2nd day after she got home she was feverish and had to be admitted then jaundice! I got panicked when the doc told us S was dehydrated! Her birth weight of 3.2kg was down to 2.8kg! she had to be topped up with FM the night she was admitted as the doc said the most important is to hydrate her and my milk has not kicked in yet (so i thought). Got hubby to rush out to buy a can of goats milk powder for emergency case in the future. 

I was very desperate to get help too as i know the stress level was due to me not mastering the BF yet! and it was public holiday all the lactation consultant were not working. Finally Ai Leng from Jenlia came to visit on the day S was discharged. And bhoy was she surprised at how much milk i have!! Since then i have DL S for the 2 mths i was staying at home with her.On her 2nd week visit, her weight dropped furher to 2.6kg! Her paed was concerned and asked to work harder!!! with his encouragement i cont to let her stuck on me almost the whole day! By one month S gain to 3.4kg and 4.6kg by 2nd mth!

All my constant worry and doubts and queries were answered with calls and postings in TBAN or among a group of wonderful ladies i met in my pregnancy yoga classes. I was determined to BF and am addicted to it as it was the only time i can have the real bonding with my daughter. 

My constant worry was to maintain my supply and i can be quite paranoid on this! It was really difficult as S was cluster feeding on top of growth spurt. I practically cant do anything besides sitting in front of the idiot box and nurse! 

As she's growing weeks by weeks and months by months the journey gets easier and to my surprise i remember mostly the happy moments but not those tough times and waking up wee hours in the morning to pump. and cant stop worrying bout my supply.

I would encourage every mothers to BF their babies coz beside the goodness of milk and getting back in shape sooner, the most important part of it is the bonding created with your own child! That is something that cant be bought by money! Yes it is a very tough journey but a bittersweet one! when u see your lil one growing strong and healthy and with a flash of smile, all the hardwork is paid off!!

Its the 17th Week.... It is blue or pink?

Its already 17th weeks by now! And it turned out to be a sweet potato! Not a very pretty sight for photo though! :P Its about 14cm (a short ruler) now and supposedly weigh about 0.14kg. Pregnancy has been good so far..... the most obvious difference is the ever growing belly and the constant and frequent belching! Guess baby has been pretty good to mommy :) 

We have started to worry bout shopping list and brands and $$ consideration on things to buy... Looks like a hole in the pocket is inevitable :P Anyway there's another baby fair this weekend and looking forward to buy more baby stuffs! 

Went to see the gynae last Saturday. Of course as usual the very first thing that i'll always be looking for is baby's heartbeat! Yea... can feel the baby inside me (except for the growing tummy). So i wanna be sure that baby is still with mommy! And its time to show baby's gender! Baby's legs were widely open for the Doc to scan :P....No shy! No shy! :O Well doc told us that its gonna be a baby girl! But advised us against buy any girlie stuff till another month for confirmation :P So since then i've started to search for girl's names too! Shortlisted some and K picked 2 out of the shortlisted list: Annabelle & Sonia. So which one will you like baby? Wish you could let mommy know :P 

By next week it will be mid way through my pregnancy! and i guess the progress will be pretty fast from then onwards! Aahh..... will start taking weekly photos from here-on! 

Baby i know that you'll bring lots of joy to the family! Mommy want you to know that I love you very very much and will always shower you with love and care! Muacksss!! 

Haha cant wait for you to meet snowball too!! He's such a darling and am sure you gonna love him as much i do too!! :D

The 15th-16th Week

Its going to be 16th week this Wednesday. Baby is still an avocado now! Must be a fat ass big Avocado. Gonna see the gynae this Saturday. I guess we'll be able to know whether its a He or a She by then. I am really looking forward to have another view and baby and of course looking for the print out of the scan too!! I am sure K will be as excited as i am!

Went to SG to see Wicked the musical with the furries and K! And had the privilege to spend my birthday there with people close to me. K has been taking better care of me and care better for my feelings. He gave me a really sweet bday card saying the words mention in the card is what he wanted to say. Love that card. I hope things can only get better for the both of us. I think i need to start to focus more on the baby and stuff..... :S

Falling sick since the SG trip though. It started with terrible sore-throat, the flu and then now coughing. Its coming to 2 weeks now. Have stop my exercising for a week plus. Guess i'll gotta start exercising again today hopefully it help to strengthen the body. :((

Have started to read up and did minor shopping at the motherhood expo last weekend. G has been great sent me a list of things to buy and i got another list from another blogger! Bhoy thats really lots and lots of things to buy! I really need to collect myself and start to make my own list too! Oh the dread!! So much of reading need to be done to on what brands on the stuff to get. There would be another expo in Midvalley next week. Wonder if its too early to buy more stuff?? Gosh i am sooo confused!

I just hope baby will truly be the start of all things good to happen to my life, to our marriage and family closeness! How will you look like? Mommy is wondering...........

Baby is growing 81/2 weeks & 9 weeks

This seems to be like a weekly posting as baby grew by leaps & bounds every week. Went to see Dr Paul again for my 3rd appt last Saturday 7th Jan. Did my second scan and baby is 2cm big and heart beat of about 150bpm! Its still amazing to those heartbeat beating strongly when Doc played it for us to hear. Well its comforting to know that baby is still healthy and growing and the heartbeat is still going strong. I must be thankful that i have minimal morning sickness-some would even categorise it as non (touch wood). I am still continuing with my gym routine and have started to go back to my salsa class last Thursday too!

But sadly on this day as well i've lost my very 1st and beloved Iphone4!!! Well blame it to my own carelessness too :(. I went to the toilet at PCMC and left it there after. Went back to the toilet shortly after, it was already being picked up by stranger. I was just hoping there really is some good samaritan around.! But what are the odds when the phone is new Iphone4?! In the end i have to spend another RM2250 for an Iphone4s replacement :( am sad as there's lots and lots of memories recorded in that phone.. esp all the photos taken throughout my journey and life memories (which i din backed up :(( ) Sigh... guess i cant dwell on it too much... Well so far the Iphone4s is doing fine.... just unnecessary spending of 2k!

So yesterday its officially 9th week for baby! and Baby is a prune!! NOOO not the wrinkly one! the fresh and nice rounded one! :D another 3 weeks plus then that will be the officially end of the 1st trimester. think i'll get nervous as my bump is getting bigger by the days.... by the weeks......

Also hoping that K will be a better husband & a good daddy in the future. I still am trying to not think of those extreme hurt that he had caused me. But its really really difficult! There are times those painful thoughts and images do pops up and that just devastated me. Its a really painful point in my life that i hope will never ever happen again... Sighh........ What else can i do? How can i continue to live my life????

First scan & 7th week: The Raspberry

Went for the first scan with Doc last Friday. Went to see the doc a few days earlier after noticing some spotting ! It was then 6 1/2 weeks. Baby is only 4mm big! The middle part is the heart beat! Doc even played the heart beat sound for us to listen. Isn't that amazing? All is well....doc said! Will be seeing the doc in another 2 weeks time again.

And now its officially 7th week and baby the size of a raspberry! :D and its growing fast! Sigh... my belly really looks like i am more than 3 mths pregnant though its not even 2 mths yet! Its all due to the bloating!

Hmm when do i need to start putting up the list of things to buy?

The 6th week: Blueberry

Still counting.... Its the 6th week now and the first scan with the doc will be next week. Baby is the size of a blueberry now....... The queasiness has intensified lately :( and i totally dont like this feeling! The gas in the tummy has been getting worse too! Guess this contributed to the queasiness as well!

On top of that, certain smell like the after smoking smell, certain perfume does make me feel more nauseatic lately too :( sigh..... i really do hope this will go away very very soon...... If only there's a very effective and best way to get rid of those wind in stomach and the queasy feeling......

Baby... please dont make mommy feeling sick ok?

Gingy

Christmas is just around the corner!!! Over the weekend K suddenly asked me if we wanna do some gingerbread man and give out as gift? I was totally excited over the idea and straightaway said yes! Then off we go for ingredients shopping after K got the recipe over the net. I must say i am not a baking person. No experience what-so-ever! Hehe so its down to K to do all the work :P Saturday nite he got down into making the dough then let it set in the fridge overnight. Then on Sunday after lunch he set out into cutting those gingy out and its into the oven! Haha its sooo cute can see those Gingy growing like fed with steroid :P. He told me that he'll do one pirate! Haha... i only helped with the choco chips as buttons and the red bow! :P Then he cont on with doing the icing and viola! All these super cute Gingerbread man we made!!! Our first attempt!!! Passed some to our friends and my sis took some and gave to her friends too!! Yay and all the feedback came back said it looked really good and tasted good too!!!

Aahh a lovely weekend afternoon spent with love!! :D

The 5th week - The sweet pea

Its the 5th week! And baby the size of a sweet pea! So i've did some lookout on google for some pic and cant help but post up these two adorable photos!! K said he LOVE the second pic and would definitely dress up our kid as sweet pea if ever the kid got to get on stage as a vegetable!! I find that really really cute! hahaha

Thank god i am still feeling fine so far. Yes there's a period last week which really look like my tummy is growing big! Read from book its probably those gas or constipation? hmmm.. anyhow i will cont to exercise and live my life to the fullest possible (i think?) Really hope the morning sickness will not kick in after the 6th week... GULP...... lets wait n see......

Jacky Cheung 1/2 Century Tour

YES! it was Jacky Cheung's 1/2 Century Tour last show in KL yesterday (11/12) out of his 4 days tour in KL, and i bought myself a ticket to watch him perform! Though he fell sick since two days ago but luckily he recovered partially and did a superb performance yesterday. They dont call him King of Heavenly Voice for nothing!! The Bukit Jalil Putra indoor stadium was packed & its a 4 days sold out concert!
His voice always melts my heart.... My heart felt warm and fuzzy after :D He sang non stop since it started at 8.10pm officially and it only ended just past 11.30pm! No toilet break for us in between but no one is complaining... listening to Jacky sing life is really something I'll remember and enjoy and treasure in my heart.

Its so surreal... seeing him right in front, singing and performing with his ever so beautiful voice, dancing, joking and giving all his best! He gave his best on every single song that he sang and enjoying each and every one of them too! Of course those very popular hits songs got everyone singing and totally enjoying themselves!.
But i must say that going for concert alone really feels like something is missing... but I guess I'd rather go watch him alone than to have to miss his concert completely :P

Aahh really feel like falling in love all over again!! Jacky will always be the best and one of my favourite Chinese singer!! Think i'll still pay and go for his concert in the future! :P

G & W Bday celebration

It is G's Bday yday 10 Dec! Organised a joint celebration with W's bday @ Watami Japanese Casual Restaurant in 1U. There's 16 of us plus lil Raphael! :D It was a wonderful nite with wonderful friends and food, though i cant eat any sashimi & sushi. Well we had a wonderful Tiramisu cake thanks to A Slice of Heaven.

K went with me to the bday dinner too even though he din want to initially. He told me that he decided to go as long as it makes me happy. This is the sweetest thing he had said to me in a long long time! It melts my heart.

Happy Birthday to my two lovely wonderful friend! I hope everyone had great time!! It makes me happy seeing everyone enjoying themselves! That makes all the organising hard work paid off! :D

The first appt: the orange seed

It was last thurs (8th Dec) when we went to Prince Court to see Dr Paul Tay. Got his contact from blogger and forum that he's a real good gynae. Besides PCMC offers good facilities, hotel rated rooms with affordable prices! Its really a place i would want my first labour! At least i'll feel that i am in the good hands of the professional docs & nurses hopefully.

Baby is only 4 weeks old and the size of an orange seed! Did not do any ultrasound scan as the first scan can only be done after the 6th week. So had set our next appt on 28th Dec for our first baby scan! That would be the 7th week :D. Had some chats with the doc on things can & cant be done, and food can and cant be eaten. Good news is i can cont with my normal exercise regime in the gym and my salsa dancing as long as i did not strain my body. But i have to forgo pole dancing!!! Thats really sad! Its something that i really love to do. And those polemates that have been ever so supportive! Love them to bits! Sigh another 10mths at least before i can go back to class... Will i still be able to join them in the same class? Will the class still be around by then? hopefully none of them will quit but wait for me to be back!! Will cont to keep in contact with them :)

But i have to stay away from raw food like fresh oysters, my fav sashimi, sushi and my all time breakfast fav of half boil egg!! For the love of baby guess there's more sacrifices to be done, as the more i discover. I wont be able to do hair straightening too! Baby, when u are born i know all these sacrifices will be worth it. Mommy is still scared and are worried to face the coming months and years to come, but hopefully things would be easier as it comes. Baby.... hopefully you'll be the greatest joy in mommy's life in the future.......

The early part

This will be my first real blogging.....

It was only last week (4th Dec) when there's a huge quarrel between me n Hubby. What made it worst was he scolded me in public and shouted right at my face that he hated me. I was really devastated after all this horrible treatment after standing by him all these while though he had cheated me over and over again for the past two months! All those lies, hurt and pain that i have had to go through.

I bought the home pregnancy test kit after feeling tenderness on my breast for the past one week. It turned out Positive. I dont know what to feel looking at the result. I dont know if He'll be a good father to my baby and a good husband for me anymore. It was a jackpot! Only one try and we got it!

I left him a note on the table together with the test kit. I needed the time for myself to cool down, and to think. I left the house then.

Went home later that nite. He said he'll try not to argue with me anymore. And will be as faithful as he can be? I hope i am making the right decision. And that he'll be a great husband and daddy to our kid.

But i am still longing to know whether he still loves me! As much as he loves me when we gotten married??.....

Sniff Sniff

I read somehwere.... girls and guys are attracted to ech other by the smell! I think there's some truth to it! Look at how much i love to smell K ;)

Zen Quotes - Collection of quotes (will be updated frequently)

"Dancing is a wonderful training for girls. Its the first way you learn to guess what a man is going to do before he does it"  - Christopher Moley

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go" - Oscar Wilde

"Above all, remember that the most important thing you can take anywhere is not a Gucci bag or French-cut jeans; it's an open mind." Gail Rubin Benery

"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook." - Julia Child

"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication." Leonardo da Vinci

My own dictionary

Personal words and slang i use regularly on a daily basis :)

Bingkai: framing

              usage: Why you bingkai me? or Dont bingkai me

HEP: meaning to scold

         usage: You used it when you wanted to scold or scare or stop someone from doing something which annoys you

Geerbeessh: when u wanna whack someone verbally

                    usage: i geerbeesh you then you know! 

Saman: when u want to threaten someone from doing something of your dislike

            usage: I saman you then you know

Aarloo aarloo: when you wanna say hello 

                       usage: aarloo aarloo